failure

god.
did you know tday i had 4x400 tday?
i ran with some fucking leg pains and without a complete lunch
or rather just a few pieces of cornflakes?
it was like
ran 300m, feeling irritated by ppl who cheered and shouted
really felt like giving up
last 100m
ENERGY LEVEL SUPER LOW
i was fucking dizzy
i cant even see where was i running
i wanted to give up but i know I CANT!
then actually leading, red and green house overtook me
whatever.
im too dizzy and fainty to care about anything
nearing the second runner
only a few steps away
i fell
cant you believe?
I FELL
i was too dizzy to know whr was i running
i felt fucking unwell
FUCKING
luckily i still held onto the baton
with my hand supporting the track
dizziness and fatigue mygod
energylessly passed the baton to her on the ground
like the baton was some kind of treasure
fortuntely the first runner of yellow hse was still running
was fucking fucking dizzy
i dun even wanna get up
or rather i was too weak to do so
my legs were really really weak
so weak
i felt so dizzy so tired so weak to get up
but i have to cos im like blocking traffic
bleaughs
was really really weak to even look up
a helper got me some mineral water
died instantly
then i was forced to leave
finefine staggered to 2nd storey
staggered
sat there for like dunno how long
then walked to the sepcs stand
PUKED ON THE WAY
really felt so vomity
and so breathless..
though it was like more than 15mins over
my team came last for heat 1
sighs
am i the cause for the failure?
its like i am just so weak and so staminaless to run 400m
i shdnt even accept this event
i cant run long dists
i was really really fucking dizzy and so weak..
worse than napfa can...
im so useless...
i cant do anything right
nothing went smoothly...
all these months
missing 6gracious
missing my friends...
i know i shdnt be holding on to the past
but i just cant help it
we were too close...
i always made comparisons with ppl in 6gra and 1grace..
hoping to find the person which is similar to my frens in 6gra
but its just impossible....
i even wondfer if anyone remembers my birthday.
maybe not

still not getting any.. happiness